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There is no spoon err... Suri Cruise

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Aug. 9th, 2006 | 12:54 am
posted by: nanji in lumatorium

(excerpt from Dlisted, copyright belongs to the inimitable but very copy&pasteable Michael K)

"A spokeswhore for Tom Cruise said that pictures of Suri Cruise will be released to the media very shortly. It's been nearly 4 months and there's still no sighting of the Cruise offspring. Several have claimed they have seen her and tell us she's "the most beautiful baby in the universe" and shit. But we still haven't seen her for ourselves. There have been rumors that Tom hasn't taken her out, because he's afraid of kidnapping threats.

His spokeswhore dispels all those rumors. He said: "He hasn't been reluctant," spokesman Arnold Robinson tells the Scoop. "They will be making a decision to release the photographs [of Suri] shortly." Will the pics be released to a single or few media outlets, or will it be a general release? "That's part of the decision they'll be making shortly,"

There's not going to be any pictures! Just instructions. Here are the instructions on how to see Suri Cruise:

1) Go into your bathroom with a drunk friend
2) Turn off all the lights, but leave the door slightly open
3) Laugh hysterically
4) Seat your friend on the toilet or bath tub
5) Turn off the faucet
6) Splash water on the mirror while you both chant "Suri Cruise, Suri Cruise, Suri Cruise"

This is when she will finally show herself to you."

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