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Illiterate seeks same

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Feb. 4th, 2006 | 06:28 pm
posted by: nanji in lumatorium

Some personals ads from the Onion that just have to be immortalised....

Firstly, "Jawad" from Pakistan, who hasn't quite understood the concept behind posting a photo of yourself next to your entry. He's just put a bunch of photos of celebrities that he kinda likes, such as Angelina Jolie and Aaron Carter. His pitch reads as follows:

" Why You Should Get to Know Me

i am jawad.i read in collage. i am playing cricket.i like mango.i like poetry. i like driveing fastley. i like most makes friends.and some some......?"

'collage'? Nothing like those ransom notes to practise your reading skills with.

" More About What I Am Looking For

ooo dears i like jast makes friend and some kind of whoes u know very will.... humm i like girl between 19to20 years old and i kiss his lipes very niceely...haha ...jawad"

"his" lips? I think you're on the wrong site, mate.

And then there's Arfan, with his pocket English/Punjabi dictionary. He comes across as direct, to say the least. And for Heaven's sake, turn the caps lock key OFF! Just turn it off! You can do it!

# The last great book I read

# My most humbling moment

# Favorite on-screen sex scene
ORAL (That wasn't the question Arfan!)

# The celebrity I resemble the most

# The best or worst lie I've ever told
I AM ENJOYING (Now I WOULD like more information please..)

# If I could be anywhere right now

# Five items I can't live without
DRESSES (Dresses?)
APPRECIATION (What? For your mastery of the English language?)

Fill in the blank: _____ is sexy; _____ is sexier.

THIGH is sexy; BOOBS is sexier!" (No Arfan! subtlety is sexier)

And then there's Raja, who informs us (evidently the whole of Pakistan is stuck in Caps lock hell) that:


I'm confused.
He continues.

"Why You Should Get to Know Me
HII...THIS IS RAJA IBRAHIM....a free going soul...loves to take life easy.....DEATH IS LIMIT"

Hmm, "DEATH IS LIMIT". Always what you want to hear from a muslim.

"Amazing_Shan" (who boasts a truly "amazing" picture)informs us that:

"Favorite on-screen sex scene: Froggy Style"

Right. I don't think that Pakistan has quite understood this question.

And then there's sensitive "Nagumaan" who's looking for a girl with a big heart and an even bigger truck to smuggle him out of his country.

" Why You Should Get to Know Me
my name is mazhar mohsin and i am from turbat mekran balochistan pakistan and i want to leave my country because i dont like my country.

More About What I Am Looking For
A girl who is helpful for me.She will make friendship with me.I hate my native country and she get me out of my country."

Anyway... Check out the Onion.com personals if you like a cheap laugh like I do.

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Comments {1}

deep sky, firefly

(no subject)

from: rainsinger
date: Feb. 5th, 2006 12:24 am (UTC)

Oh that's just brilliant.

And this is the crowning glory: Hmm, "DEATH IS LIMIT". Always what you want to hear from a muslim.

Do you read The Religious Policeman? www.muttawa.blogspot.com I believe

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